"Hello?" Silence. "Hello?" said at a slightly higher pitch. Click and background office noise floods in as a woman with a strong Indian accent says "Good morning is this *******?" "Yes" I reply nervously thinking fast, which cr*py form have I filled in with my phone number. I'm meticulous about ticking boxes saying 'Don't contact me unless the world is ending or I'll rip your head off and shove it down your neck.' I know they are just doing their job, so I try and not start screaming, just yet. It might not be a sales call...
The woman launches into her spiel asking if we have Sky via cable or satellite. "Wait, sorry, what?" I splutter. She repeats her script. Balls, do I have to confess to this mystery woman that I have no idea. I just turn the darn TV on and off and hope that there is something there. Stall. "Are you selling me something" I ask accusingly. Slightly ruffled she says "No, this is a (something mumbled) survey."
"Do. You. Have. A. Satellite. Dish?" The woman is breaking it down slowly for me, she's obviously thinking that I'm an idiot who doesn't know if there is a large dish on the side of her house. She'll be laughing about this later with her work colleagues, eyes rolling - "yes she didn't have a clue! I know! I was really tempted to say, stick your head out the window love and have a look!" Or words to that effect.
"Thank you very much for calling, but I'm really not interested" I blab hanging up fast, ignoring the protests on the other end of the line.
The next day I answer the phone. Long pause of nothing before the background noise of a busy call centre kicks in. "Hello, is that *********?" a man asks. "YES! Why are you phoning me, I told someone from your office yesterday that I'm not interested!"
"This is just a survey for (mumbles some name I don't catch) to see if you get Sky through a satellite dish or cable" he replies, sounding confused as to why wouldn't I want to answer his harmless little questions. It's not like he's asking what colour my underwear is. Yet.
Oh he's smooth, I wonder if he gets given the difficult customers or our names go round in rotation. Do they have different levels of trained staff? First level, the people who will answer the questions; second level, the polite but not having any of it (possibly you can talk them round) and thirdly the really abusive people that you quickly remove from your lists after you've made a recording of their rant and put it onto YouTube.
I hang up.
I also hang up every time I answer the phone and someone doesn't answer straight away. How long until they get the message? Answer came there none...
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